I wasn't to sure if I really wanted to share this, but I thought - What the hell... it will feel good to get it off my chest.
Last week I confessed to Chris that I have been feeling very overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with everyday life. I do believe I have a mild case of Postpartum Depression and will be seeking advice/help from my doctor. I never experienced PPD with James. I had ONE day of crying, and then life went on. With Graham - there has been many days that I have broken down and just cried.
I never thought going from one child to two would be this difficult. Now let me get something straight - I do not feel this way EVERYDAY. There are some days that are just terrible. I go through the routine with the boys. I have a short temper, I yell, and then I cry and feel awful. I love my boys with all my heart. Please understand that. I would never harm them, or anything like that - but some days I feel like I cannot do this. I feel, that I am failing as a mother and in turn - I feel sad, & depressed.
I battled depression when I was in high school. There were some very dark days - days that I didn't want to be here anymore, but after talking to people who could help, and medication - I crawled out. I met Chris and life got a lot better.
As I said before, I do not feel this way ALL THE TIME. There are days that I wake up and feel happy, and like nothing could bring me down. So I believe this is just a very mild case. But I still need to talk to my doctor.
I feel I need to get this off my chest - talk about it and maybe it will help. I never claimed to be perfect, NOR did I ever imagine being a stay at home mom would be this hard. Some days I feel like going back to work full time would be easier - but then I stop and think about all the time I would miss with my boys.
I'm hoping everyone sticks around through this rough patch. I will posting more as time goes on. If you have any coping suggestions for when times get rough I'd love to hear them. Either leave me a comment or you can email me firstname.lastname@example.org