Thursday, December 15, 2011

Not what I was expecting..at all!

Ok, writing this is so hard, but I need to share it and get if off my chest.

On November 4th, we found out we were expecting our second babe. I was beyond thrilled!! That morning, I had some crazy dreams that I had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive... so after two consecutive dreams, I got up and sure enough...POSITIVE!!

We only told our close family and friends.. but it did get around our circle of friends, fast...
Anyways, I called my OB and set up an appointment for December 13. C and I were so excited about having another little baby. We started to let J know that he was going to be a big brother. He would give my tummy kisses and say.."Mama..baby!"

As my pregnancy progressed, I felt like there was something wrong. I couldn't tell you why.. but it was just a feeling I had.

I had minimal morning sickness. Well, in hindsight, now that I think of it I had very little pregnancy symptoms. I had some slight nausea, I was very moody/emotional and tired. But that was it. I just didn't feel pregnant for very long.

I went in for my first doctor's appointment on the 13th of December. It was just a routine, question and answer and I was to book again for 3 weeks for a physical and they got my in to do a dating ultrasound. Now I knew my dates. C and I had been trying for a few months, so I was charting, start and end dates.

So today (the 15th) I went and had my blood work done as well as my dating ultrasound.

The tech was soo quite, but the one who did J's first ultrasound was too, so I didn't think anything of it. That all changed when she asked me if I was correct on my dates. And I told her yes. I am 100% sure on my dates, now whether I ovulated late it would not made that much of a difference, maybe a week at most. So I asked what she saw, "Just a gestational sac"

I froze. I knew that was not good. I should be almost 10 weeks...there should be a heart beat, a baby SOMETHING!! My heart was breaking... C was in the waiting room, he had no idea what was going on.

She told me that she was going to to a transvag ultrasound so I said ok.. This time around she did find the fetus, but it was no where near as developed as it should be.

She finished up and told me to call my doctor, and that they would tell me what was going on.

I walked out of the clinic trembling.. and in tears. I didn't have to call my doctor to know what was going on. I knew we had lost our baby.

I called anyways, and I was told, that the baby was measuring 6 weeks, 6 days - and that there was no heartbeat. The doctor explained what will be happening (natual passing of the baby) as I have started the process now, but that I need to come in.

So to make a long story short, I am in the midst of a miscarriage and am heartbroken, but at the same time. ok with what has happened.

I go in tomorrow to see my doctor again... I am really really hoping to pass this baby naturally..and that we can go through a couple of cycles and then try again. I will not let this get me down. Things happen for a reason, and for some reason this just wasn't the time.

I will be taking a break from my blog till the New year or so. I will finish up my giveaways, but I do need time to grieve for my lost babe.

Much love

xoxox