Today... today I yelled at James, and scared him. I failed.
We've been trying to understand where he is coming from - trying not to say 'No' and to talk about how he is feeling at a particular time. But nothing is working. He still is defiant - stomps around and talks back. When asked to do simple tasks, we get sassed.
Yes, I know he is 3.5 years old - but at 3.5 years old I do expect some respect and to listen.
I got frustrated with James - I yelled (loudly I might add) and his crying became uncontrollable. He was sobbing - and said to me I sacred him.
I don't want to be that Mum. A Mum whose child is afraid of her. I broke down and cried with him - apologizing over and over again. Only to hear "I'm sorry Mummy. Don't cry... I love you" That just tugged on the heart strings even more.
After he settled down and we both stopped crying, I tried to explain why I yelled and told him Mummy shouldn't have yelled and that she was very sorry - and that Jimmy needs to use his ears to listen to what Mummy and Daddy ask. I don't know if it got through to him - but after that.... god I feel like a terrible person.
I failed tonight as a Mum.
Tomorrow is a new day - I have learned from my mistake tonight and am looking forward to a new day.
Live and learn.