Someone explain

Ok so this post will bare a little too much info, and I am sorry to any of my family who read this, hehe. November 4th 2008 my Dad suddenly passed away. I was in utter shock. I had not spoken to him in almost 6 months and regret that every single day. After his passing I was very depressed and in a major funk. C and I relationship was kind of rocky there for a bit. He didn't know how to help me and I wasn't letting him help..I wasn't letting ANYONE help me. I needed to do this on my own.. whatever it was.

Let's just say, that our sex life was pretty much nonexistent. I was stuck in a rut and was in no way interested in sex. I'll admit that I felt terrible about it, but I was dealing with emotions I couldn't handle. There were a few months where he got lucky, but let me tell you, sex was the LAST thing on my mind.

So fast forward six months.... C and I were intimate one day in April/May and I wasn't on any birth control. Actually I was in the middle of switching from one type to another.. I wasn't thinking about the possibility that we could end up pregnant...anyways...It was May long weekend and we were headed to Osoyoos/Penticton to see my grandparents and spread their half of my dad's ashes. While there, I was SO tired. I remember one night eating dinner and saying that I was just going to lie down for just a bit but ended up sleeping from 7:00pm till the next morning. No one thought anything of it. I didn't..I just assumed I was tired from the whole ordeal.

The next weekend we had a birthday to go to and on the Sunday we had a baby shower. On the Saturday C told me to take a test. He was SO sure that I was pregnant..I thought he was crazy..there was no way I could be. I mean we were only having sex ONCE a month... ONCE.. no more. But sure enough...I got a BFP Saturday May 26th 2009.

So can someone tell me why...now that we WANT to have another baby..why is it so hard to actually get pregnant?? We are going on month four and I have been on it.. well we both have. We have not been using any 'methods' ie: Ovulation test strips or anything.. I've tried to calculate my dates.. but still we have come up empty handed. I've been taking my vitamins, cut out the caffeine, the drinks etc and still nothing. I don't want to get all upset with this..or get frustrated cause I know it can take up to a year but really???!!!! I told myself when we started trying not to get too stressed out about it. I though I was doing really well, but I know I am slightly stressed. It's all I can think about. I need to calm down and let nature take it's course.

AF is slated for tomorrow.. and I took a test today and got a BFN...It's so upsetting when I continue to see negative tests. My goal this month... NOT TO TAKE A SINGLE TEST TILL NOVEMBER lol save myself some moola!! ..::EDIT::.. she came (HARUMPH!)

Fingers crossed for a BFP in November...

Much love