We've hit a wall

I haven't posted much in the past week - and there is a good reason for it. Chris and I have been dealing with a very snarky, mouthy, frustrated little boy.

James has been going through... something. What? I do not know. It all started when he got sick a couple of weeks ago. I totally understood why he was grumpy, and upset. Poor boy was sicker than a dog. But during that time, he became a non listening, snarky little boy, who's attitude changed like *snap* that!

When asked to do simple day to day tasks such as brushing his teeth, getting dressed or even just sitting to eat - he yells, and talks back. His new favorite thing to say is "Whatever Mummy/Daddy." He yells, screams and demands us to do things. He's being defiant, and to be honest I just don't know what to do.

We practice gentle parenting. I WILL NOT - let me repeat that... I WILL NOT spank, hit or swat my child. I was spanked as a child and I refuse to raise my children that way. We have tried time outs, which just lead to him throwing an even bigger fit. I've tried time ins where we both sit down and talk about what was done, and why we are doing what we are doing. Threats are a joke, and taking toys away hasn't had any effect on him whatsoever.

I will admit that I am not the most patient person in the world, and there are times I yell. I feel awful afterwards. I try to stay calm and use my words rather than getting upset and yelling at him, but sometimes - that doesn't happen!

I have asked his teacher if he listens at school and she said he is wonderful. Does as he is told and helps out. So what the hell am I doing wrong??

We need consequences in this house - but I have no idea what to do. I have exhausted my techniques and they haven't helped in the slightest bit.

We've hit a wall, and don't know where to go from here. He has his really good days, where the day goes smoothly, then there are days where he's so mouthy and I need  to walk away.

I'm at a loss - I need advice - WE need advice.... HELP!!