Last week I confessed to Chris that I have been feeling very overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with everyday life. I do believe I have a mild case of Postpartum Depression and will be seeking advice/help from my doctor. I never experienced PPD with James. I had ONE day of crying, and then life went on. With Graham - there has been many days that I have broken down and just cried.
I never thought going from one child to two would be this difficult. Now let me get something straight - I do not feel this way EVERYDAY. There are some days that are just terrible. I go through the routine with the boys. I have a short temper, I yell, and then I cry and feel awful. I love my boys with all my heart. Please understand that. I would never harm them, or anything like that - but some days I feel like I cannot do this. I feel, that I am failing as a mother and in turn - I feel sad, & depressed.
I battled depression when I was in high school. There were some very dark days - days that I didn't want to be here anymore, but after talking to people who could help, and medication - I crawled out. I met Chris and life got a lot better.
As I said before, I do not feel this way ALL THE TIME. There are days that I wake up and feel happy, and like nothing could bring me down. So I believe this is just a very mild case. But I still need to talk to my doctor.
I feel I need to get this off my chest - talk about it and maybe it will help. I never claimed to be perfect, NOR did I ever imagine being a stay at home mom would be this hard. Some days I feel like going back to work full time would be easier - but then I stop and think about all the time I would miss with my boys.
I'm hoping everyone sticks around through this rough patch. I will posting more as time goes on. If you have any coping suggestions for when times get rough I'd love to hear them. Either leave me a comment or you can email me thegreatmumadventure@gmail.com
Much love
xoxo
Oh, sweetie! I know exactly how you feel! Genuine going from one child to two was beyond anything I could have imagined. Feelings of guilt about who is getting attention, not giving yourself attention (or feeling like you shouldn't when you do), irritation, lack of sleep...all of it can become just TOO much! I'm too going through it and have been diagnosed with PPD. There are days that are great and then there are days I feel like I woke up in a pit of darkness! It will get better and it is great you recognize it and are willing to get help!
ReplyDeleteShana you hit the nail right on the head! That is EXACTLY how I feel. I hope you are doing well! xo
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